I had forgotten about the four regards - which somewhat seem to me to map to the four main characters? It's been 25 years since I read this, but this quote from the beginning has stayed with me like nothing else in all literature: "We live life as it comes to us, without warning, like an actor going on cold. And what can life be worth if the first rehearsal for life is life itself?"
I've always liked this book, but I never connected with any of the 4 regards in any meaningful way like you do here. If I had to pick one it would have to be #3 I guess. My wife and I have been together since we were teenagers, over 30 years now. She's the only person in my entire life I've every really liked, let alone loved, and loved me back, including my parents. All of my efforts at staying health are to insure I don't die first and leave her alone.
Still, I pathologically detest being 'noticed' by other humans. Its tolerable with they don't know who I am and have no interest. Strangers on the street don't bother me. I enjoy large crowds. I spent too much of my childhood desperately trying to avoid my mother and other adults 'regard' of me, or even knowledge of my existence. Nothing good has ever happened to me as the result of being noticed by another person who wasn't my wife. Esp my parents.
How I love that you wrote about exactly THIS! It was one of my favorites passages from his book, and I was even hoping I or someone else would bring it up on our call (but then I felt intimidated by everyone else ha). This imaginary eye or witness we carry around with us is so fascinating. It may help to draw out certain latent parts of ourselves into existence, but also puts us at risk of closing us off in this weird circling you describe so well in your piece. What I take from this, and more generally from all four categories of these "gazes on us": there's some alchemy of being seen (I am currently writing about this) and we are co-created beings. Within this, we are called to consciously participate in our own becoming and break what you call "a circular economy" through integration and exchange with others, something you practice so well all the time, Anna!
The part you're writing about is interesting, but it's other passages that hit harder for me. Including the "we live life as it comes to us..." passage Chad mentions above, and for me especially the "two kinds of men" passage, the epic and the lyrical.
Yes - The theatrical Metaphor is apt…life is a stage on which we play out that which we wish to occur. That stage is imported into our mind where we play out that which we wish to occur before we release our action into the world. Our audience in both the overt world and the covert world is the “other.” That covert world is where the “first rehearsal” emerges under the gaze of others; our impulses to act (the I) are modified by expectations of the other (the Me). According to GH Mead one cannot have a self without the existence of other selves. I share this because the phenomena at issue, significance of others, is one that has interested psychologists, sociologists, and philosophers for a very long time. Mead’s process philosophy is one perspective that almost never is considered as an interpretive aid in grappling with such issues. Encourage Anna to have Claude use Mead’s framework to explore Kundera’s assertions about human nature.
Perhaps obvious and maybe the whole point of your post—in that case, forgive me. But your effort to get the imaginary (or at least artificial) eye of Claude to see you and failing is, to me, a beautiful irony.
I had forgotten about the four regards - which somewhat seem to me to map to the four main characters? It's been 25 years since I read this, but this quote from the beginning has stayed with me like nothing else in all literature: "We live life as it comes to us, without warning, like an actor going on cold. And what can life be worth if the first rehearsal for life is life itself?"
One of the most memorable lines ❤️
Great post. It seems like the fourth category leads to introversion -why engage with a community when the community is always present, in your head?
I've always liked this book, but I never connected with any of the 4 regards in any meaningful way like you do here. If I had to pick one it would have to be #3 I guess. My wife and I have been together since we were teenagers, over 30 years now. She's the only person in my entire life I've every really liked, let alone loved, and loved me back, including my parents. All of my efforts at staying health are to insure I don't die first and leave her alone.
Still, I pathologically detest being 'noticed' by other humans. Its tolerable with they don't know who I am and have no interest. Strangers on the street don't bother me. I enjoy large crowds. I spent too much of my childhood desperately trying to avoid my mother and other adults 'regard' of me, or even knowledge of my existence. Nothing good has ever happened to me as the result of being noticed by another person who wasn't my wife. Esp my parents.
How I love that you wrote about exactly THIS! It was one of my favorites passages from his book, and I was even hoping I or someone else would bring it up on our call (but then I felt intimidated by everyone else ha). This imaginary eye or witness we carry around with us is so fascinating. It may help to draw out certain latent parts of ourselves into existence, but also puts us at risk of closing us off in this weird circling you describe so well in your piece. What I take from this, and more generally from all four categories of these "gazes on us": there's some alchemy of being seen (I am currently writing about this) and we are co-created beings. Within this, we are called to consciously participate in our own becoming and break what you call "a circular economy" through integration and exchange with others, something you practice so well all the time, Anna!
♥️
Yep I just re-read Unbearable Lightness as well :)
Aaaaand?
The part you're writing about is interesting, but it's other passages that hit harder for me. Including the "we live life as it comes to us..." passage Chad mentions above, and for me especially the "two kinds of men" passage, the epic and the lyrical.
Epic and lyrical men as featured prominently in the draft of my book as it currently stands 😅
The Maasai of east Africa ‘see’ it more simply— if you aren’t acknowledged by an other you don’t exist.
Which kind of regard does Adam Smith fit into? Who is that impartial spectator?
Yes - The theatrical Metaphor is apt…life is a stage on which we play out that which we wish to occur. That stage is imported into our mind where we play out that which we wish to occur before we release our action into the world. Our audience in both the overt world and the covert world is the “other.” That covert world is where the “first rehearsal” emerges under the gaze of others; our impulses to act (the I) are modified by expectations of the other (the Me). According to GH Mead one cannot have a self without the existence of other selves. I share this because the phenomena at issue, significance of others, is one that has interested psychologists, sociologists, and philosophers for a very long time. Mead’s process philosophy is one perspective that almost never is considered as an interpretive aid in grappling with such issues. Encourage Anna to have Claude use Mead’s framework to explore Kundera’s assertions about human nature.
Posted as a reply to Chad
Perhaps obvious and maybe the whole point of your post—in that case, forgive me. But your effort to get the imaginary (or at least artificial) eye of Claude to see you and failing is, to me, a beautiful irony.
Yep, you get it 🥹